Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
