Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
