I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
