mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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