some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
