im drinking this country out of the recession.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
