I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she told me i tasted like america
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
