Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
