My liver just broke up with me...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
