your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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