Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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