dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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