I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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