Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
