i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize