Already got asked if we're dating
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
