Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
