You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
