So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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