honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
