One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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