oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
