How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
