if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
