i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
