If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
