Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
