i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
