I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
