You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
