I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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