I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
