Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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