I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
