I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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