I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
