Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
