jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to calm my uterus...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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