I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
