He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
