You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
