Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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