I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
