he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
