FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
