I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
