we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
