she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
