Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
