I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
