I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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